How to Thrive with Confidence

Confidence (noun): "a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities" - via Google dictionary. Some people seem to just be naturally confident. Whether they were raised to believe they are god's gift, developed it over time through external reassurance, was always good at anything they did, or any other factor along those lines. Now, me? I had to WORK at it. I was always insecure up until age 18-19, when I started to blossom. Little did I know that it was only the beginning. Ask yourself honestly: am I confident? If that's an easy "yes" - then great! I'm happy for you. Hopefully some tips in this blog will resonate with you and hey, maybe you'll stumble across something new. If you had to think about it or immediately thought "hell no" - then I'm here to (hopefully) change that. I personally know how low it can feel, especially when you're hard on yourself. BUT, the good news is, it isn't permanent. I've managed to do a complete 180 and now I radiate confidence. You can too In fact, let's start working on your confidence right now. These are my top 10 tips to gaining self-confidence and thriving your way through life:

1. STOP comparing yourself to others. "Yeah, yeah, yeah Maddie. I know, but how?" Girl, I'll tell you how. This was literally one of my biggest issues, especially with the uprising of Instagram and social media Influencers. First things first, if social media plays a vital role in your daily life, do a social media cleanse. Unfollow any and everyone who makes you question yourself, how you're living, or makes you wish you were different. For me, this was the "skinny tea" advertisers, the curvy girls who had surgery but claimed their curves were "natural" (nothing wrong with surgery btw - just be real about it), the people who lived almost unrealistic looking lifestyles, or anyone who made me want to fall back into my eating disorder. Sit down and take a moment to scroll. Anytime you encounter a negative feeling about yourself or your life - unfollow or even block if you have to. While you're at it, look into following motivational, empowering, or uplifting pages. People that make you feel inspired.

2. Give yourself PERMISSION: to be yourself. As cheesy as that sounds, it's #FACTS. A lot of us are raised with limiting beliefs - meaning we only believe things are possible to a certain extent or don't believe they are possible at all. A personal example: my limiting belief was that it wasn't possible for me to be considered beautiful because I didn't resemble what I saw in media every day: flawless skin, unrealistically curvy or skinny bodies, perfect hair, etc. It took me a long time, but I realized beauty comes from within. I gave myself permission to believe I am beautiful. I gave myself permission to wear what made me FEEL beautiful. I gave myself permission to speak kindly to myself. It's like something inside me was holding me back. Now, give yourself permission. You are allowed to do and think whatever makes you feel most confident. 

3. Live for yourself, NOT others. Because if you're living for others, then you're not living. I know what you're thinking: "C'mon, Maddie... more cheesy bullshit?" But I saw that quote on IG and I couldn't resist. It really stuck with me because I used to dictate almost all of my decisions around others. Whether it was the fear of looking stupid in front of others, putting others' needs in front of mine, trying to do something just because someone else did it, and so on. You can't let other people control your decisions. Will Smith said it best: "stop letting people who do so little for you control so much of your mind, feelings & emotions." Now read that again and again until it sticks with you. Rihanna didn't become Rihanna by letting what others thought about her impact her decisions. Oprah didn't become Oprah by living by someone else's rules. Beyonce didn't become Beyonce striving to be like someone else. You see what I'm saying. Eliminate the thought of competition, because you're doing this for you. You don't compete with anybody, just aim to be better than you were yesterday. 

4. Get OUT of your comfort zone completely. This sounds a lot easier than it is, but trust me, it's all worth the discomfort. The first step to this is literally just doing it. No overthinking, no second-guessing, no bullshitting yourself - just action. The way I usually go about it is making the decision to do whatever it is and committing to it like my life depended on it - no excuses allowed! It could be small things like doing public activities alone (dinner, movies, etc.), taking a dance or yoga class, or going out in something you wouldn't normally wear, but love the way it looks on you - make that fashion statement girl! OR it could be bigger things like going skydiving, doing an open mic night or other public speaking event, or booking a solo trip to a completely new city. The possibilities are endless. Go into whatever it is you choose to do with the mentality of a student - meaning you're willing and ready to learn and try your best at it! Another thing you need to do is ask yourself is WHY whatever it is scares you, this is where analyzing - not overthinking - comes in handy because maybe your fear roots from something deeper: like looking "dumb" or being concerned with what others will think. I'm here to tell you straight up, no one gives a fuck. Truly, they don't. Everyone is so concerned about their own lives, it's near impossible that people will be thinking about that one thing you did... and if they do, so what? You're living for you (ahem, see tip 3 again if needed). I know it's hard sometimes, but after practice of doing multiple things that push you out of your comfort zone, the second-guessing goes away and eventually some of the uncomfortable activities feel comfortable - that's when it's time to level up. 

5. Make time for activities you ENJOY. Doing the things you love most will almost always make you feel good about yourself - especially if it's something you're good at. Have a side hustle or passion? Make time for it as often as you can. Even if you're not in the mood at the time. Because once you get started, it'll be hard to stop and you'll be glad that you did. A few things for me are working out, walking my dog,  dancing, writing (obvi), collaborating with photographers, etc. Sometimes I'm just not in the mood to do any of them, but this is where self-discipline comes in and I always, yes ALWAYS, finish feeling amazing about myself and I never regret it. Chances are, you'll feel the same.

6. Completely CUT OFF toxic people - yes all of them. This includes long-term relationships, friends, and sometimes even some family members. Having history with someone is not an excuse to keep toxicity in your life. I've had to cut off friendships of 10+ years because I knew they weren't good for me. If these people are sucking energy out of you, it's time to cut them off. If they are stealing from you, talking you out of your goals, making your feel bad about yourself in any way... CUT. THEM. OFF. No relationship is worth sacrificing your wellbeing, girl. You deserve better than that.

7. Surround yourself with POSITIVITY. Now that we got rid of the toxics, it's time to replace them with positive, encouraging, and motivational people. "Duh, but how?" I was always that person who was hesitant to make new friends - and honestly I didn't really know how, especially as an adult. I was closed-minded and thought I was "too awkward" to make new friends (another limiting belief). When you cut off the toxic people, along with all of their negative energy, it's almost like positive people start to attract to you in a way. You'll randomly meet someone in a class you took to get out of your comfort zone, you'll reconnect with nontoxic people you went to school with and become friends with them, or maybe even when you're out shopping. You have to be optimistic and force yourself to network. Again, going back to getting out of your comfort zone. 

8. STOP feeling like a victim. I know life can be hard. It will throw you obstacles that you never thought you'd have to face, but remember: it could always be worse. You aren't alone in almost every situation you'll be in. Feeling sorry for yourself isn't going to do much for you at all. Instead, start learning to be grateful for what you do have. Your ability to taste, see, move... others aren't so lucky. When you go through life with gratitude, you feel a lot better about yourself and what you do have. Make a gratitude list every day. Write at LEAST 5 things you are grateful for first thing in the morning. Stop saying "why me?" and start saying "try me."

9. Get ACTIVE. Pretty basic and self-explanatory, I know. What do you think about when you think "get active"? Some will think endless minutes on a treadmill (gag), some might think sports, others will think weightlifting, and so on. Honestly, it could be any form of physical activity you enjoy. If you're already active, that's awesome! I'd say try something new - for me, it was yoga and dancing. If you aren't active, it's time to start. Commit at LEAST 3 times a week to doing something to get your body moving for 30 minutes or more. Literally dance your heart out by yourself in your room for all I care, no judgement over here. Not only will you enjoy it, but you might experience some positive side effects such as weight loss or muscle gain which will leave you feeling more confident. Get ta' moving!

10. Take CARE of yourself. This is more than just a face mask, a bath bomb, and ice cream - although those always come in clutch. What I mean here is more along the lines of checking in with yourself and fulfilling all your needs and wants. Dedicate at least one entire day a month (or a week if you can) to take care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Tom and Donna said it best: TREAT YO SELF (Parks and Rec reference if you don't get it lol). Sure, do the basic self-care stuff I listed earlier, but also sit down and journal, meditate, make your gratitude list, make a list of things you love about yourself, spend the whole day alone if you want to - this is your day. Not only will this make you feel more confident, but you'll just overall feed good in general. Who wouldn't want that?

I know these aren't super life-changing or shocking tips, but I promise if you implement each of them into your life starting ASAP, your confidence levels will skyrocket. You'll also reap the additional benefits that can come along with each tip in your everyday life - just keep it consistent. Now, get out there and THRIVE.